to be seen/read/finish...
- cabaret
- wicked
- cinderella's castle
- how to train your dragon 2 & 3
- the other bennet sister
- giovanni's room
- call the midwife s3 ...
- extraordinary s1
- most ardently
- east of eden
- the pitt s1 & s2
- paris is burning
- the house in the cerulean sea
media log
june:
- call the midwife s2
- project hail mary
- bill (2015)
- the lego batman movie
currently: (watching too many things at once help)
call the midwife s3
extraordinary s1
the good, the bad and the ugly
the hobbit
my plan for june 15
- portrait exercises
- story to work on for the next week/two weeks: the fisherman and his wife. sketches and visual worldbuilding.
maybe go to my dorm to pick up my materials
diary entry
ok i didn't do the portrait exercises but i do have like a first storyboard for the story! which is nice and cool and awesome. visiting a friend tomorrow who i havent seen since september, and we might draw a bit together so very excited for that!
not going back to my dorm til this weekend. ive been working on lined note paper with charcoal since thats the only things i currently have at home.
also started playing minecraft again :D
my plan for june 16
- portrait exercises
- visit a friend :D
diary entry
drew like 1 portrait and some trees and my friend. walked for like 10 kilometers and got sunburnt yay. but it was so fun seeing my friend again. happy day.
my plan for june 17
- environment exercises
- library visit: composition studies
- spend time with my family
diary entry
my dad told me yesterday "oh btw i told your gran youd help out tomorrow" so yeah i helped out stocking her firewood in the shed. so sweaty
anyways i put my sketches in indesign and im editing the text i copied from fairytalez dot com or something bc its too much text and i dont like it. hope ill be able to actually draw some more tomorrow. i promised both my grandparents id help them with chores this summer but the next few days will be way too hot.
my plan for june 18
- work out some of the storyboard spreads
- small walk in the morning
- queer drawing event!
- ice cream
- call a place i applied to for work but havent heard back from.... scary
diary entry
not a very good day. very tired and it was much warmer than i expected. but i did go to the drawing event (thanks to some motivation from my dad) and while we were with only 4 people (two of which were volunteers) it was very fun! and maybe it was better for my anxiety that it wasnt a big group lol.
trying very hard to be kind to myself. ive been so tired the past few days, which probably is normal considering the heat and the amount of sleep ive had the past few weeks. also been experiencing quite some bottom dysphoria and finally bought a foam packer and pouch! hope it helps with dysphoria and fear of going outside at least a little bit.
my plan for june 19
- object exercises
- work out some of the storyboard spreads
- visit my high schools graduation exhibition
- ice cream
diary entry
again being kind to myself. its not a drama if i dont do the exercises. its too warm to do anything ughhh. i hate hot weather. though #booblesssummer so its more bearable than last summer! yippee. also had icecream. great success
graduation exhibition was very cool :P
my plan for june 20
- work out some more of the storyboard spreads
- ice craem
- pick an article from our weekend magazine and make an illustration for it
diary entry
didnt do any of that but hey i did get a haircut, helped my mom, planned a day trip, applied for another job. oh and bought one of those cavaillon melons. and lots of fun fizzy drinks i want to try with my family.
mango rant
couldve bought a mango but i was more craving a melon ngl. technically i have eaten mango in like a salad thingie i bought with a friend on tuesday but im not gonna count that. i need to eat an actual mango.
my plan for june 21
- week reflection & planning for next week
- another small exhibition
- go back to my dorm
diary entry
ive really been neglecting this ugh. but no being kind to myself! its also so warm i dont have the energy to do much. i did sit in the pool for a while which was fun. also sat on the train for a bit and helped a mom to get her kids safely off the train and the kids asked me if i had kids, if i was 100 years old, and if i could give them a high five. made my entire day tbh.
my plan for june 22
- go out with my friends
- take home my art supplies
diary entry
was originally planning to stay at my dorm for the majority of this week but alas, heatwave. im gonna be more comfortable at home i think & spend most of this week in the pool.
going out with my friends was really fun and i bought some cds! might make a physical media page bc ive been buying cds and dvds more often. today i bought three cheers for sweet revenge & the black parade by my chemical romance, hozier from hozier and four by one direction.
i think i used to find excuses for still listening to one direction bc i was kind of embarrased but hey. idc. my 12 year old self wouldve gone crazy. and the nostalgia makes me so happy. playing all the cds on my shitty radio that stops every few seconds while sitting on my desk with the window open. feeling like a cool and annoying older brother from in the movies or something hell yeah
my plan for june 23
- work on the story!! draw draw draw
- eat half a cavaillon melon
- and ice cream probably
diary entry
didnt do all that much tbh. did pick up my ukelele again for like 15 minutes which isnt a lot but hey i did something yippee.
packer & pouch arrived but havent tried it out yet,, the packer doesnt fit very well into the pouch sigh and also idk how to position it. ill figure it out once the heatwave is over
diary entry
had a fun day!! museum was awesome, not too big and very chill (as in temperature) inside :D
my plan for june 25
- work on the story some more
- rest
diary entry
drew a bit, not for the story. watched the lego batman movie with my brother.
thinking of my jury again.
getting my results on saturday. scared. im kind of wondering if i shouldve done design instead of illustration. i like designing, my teachers like my work, i am proud of the things i made there. i like to think im good at it. the assignments were fun most of the time, though some i thought were boring. idk. i dont know if id like to study it. i know i get nauseous when i work on my pc for too long, and design involves mostly working on the pc. so it wouldnt be great. also the other students are mostly rich white right wingers, even the queer people. i wouldnt feel very safe or at ease i think.
and i like illustration. i thought i was good at it, but now i dont think so. i was good at it in high school, but there it was more commercial i think. maybe this school is not for me, maybe i shouldve gone to a different one. maybe im just not good at it yet. i like telling stories. i like drawing. i like picturebooks and editorial illustrations and i want to make things like that. i havent made a lot of things im proud of, because when im proud of something my teachers dont like it and im not proud of it anymore. im not good at doing my own thing or taking feedback and making it my own, i take the feedback too literally. my head is too full right now i cannot think.
my plan for june 26
- text a friend and pin down a date for this summer!!!
- more working on the story
diary entry
dont even remember if i did anything noteworthy this day. hope the heatwave ends soon. i played minecraft. wore a tank top (gender euphoria woohoo). ate dinner outside bc it cooled off more than the past evenings!! very fun
my plan for june 27
- getting my exam results (scary)
- maybe cry maybe smile who fucking knows
- library
- go back to my dorm
diary entry
i just need to find a way to get motivated every single day. and not get sad or disappointed or self concious.
exam results
im redoing my art history exam in august, which is fine and will be ok, i know; and i have to completely retake my studio class next year. idk how the study point/credit system works in other countries, but thats 30 of my 60 study points. and its okay i know itll help me play more and learn more and maybe i just need more time. ive always needed more time to adapt and process. thats fine its fine. im scared ill lose my friends. which is stupid i know if i keep making an effort im sure ill still be friends with them and ill maybe even make new ones. maybe ill make new choices. maybe i wont do illustration next year, maybe ill do design or printmaking. im not exactly panicking because after my jury i did kinda see it coming but fuck. going on feedback on monday. tomorrow im going to the graduation exhibition at my campus.
my plan for june 28
- my schools graduation expo
diary entry
went to the expo AND went grocery shopping. proud of myself of making it out of bed today woo. ate cookies for dinner #yippee
my plan for june 29
- art history exam feedback
- studio (illustration, design & printmaking) feedback
- go to art shop for: ink, doezelaar (? idk english), paper
diary entry
feedbacks went well overall. illustration teachers said they see potential but im too scared to use it. lmao i love getting psychologically analysed at school!!!!!!! no but i actually think an extra year will be good for me. it sucks, i wish i didnt have to do it, but im excited to do more and make more and push myself more. i also went to the like, student counsuellor and talked to her. im still sad about this sometimes but i think i accepted it.
was gonna go to the art shop tomorrow but i had some free time after my first feedback so i bought ink, the doezelaar ( ithink its smudger?), a sketchbook, chalk paper and bister. ive never tried those last two before and im very curious!!
saw my friends. made some loose plans to go to some art festivals next year and go to the sea this summer. i love my friends.
my plan for june 30
- clean up my dorm for the summer
- go outside
- test bister out!
- make bag
diary entry
i kind of cleaned? a tiny little bit? its better than nothing but i dont think ill check it off my list yet. i did go outside though. just for a little bit, the fire alarm went off (again) lol. but hey i was outside for 10 minutes or so. proud of myself.
my plan for july 1
- finish cleaning up my dorm and take things home
- checkup with my surgeon
diary entry
i cleaned, i did the dishes, i organised, i made my bag, i was very productive this morning. checkup went pretty well, got some cortisol (? idk what it was actually but it started with cor- i think) shots in my scars and went home. helped my mom around the house a bit. nearly got bit in my toes by our chickens. i should probably wear closed shoes when i go feed them but its too warm!! and its only the two young chickens that are real bitchy. if i clap my hands they run away tho so if i act fast ill be fine.
my plan for july 2
- draw
- make bags for vacation
- clear up phone storage (sigh again)
- play minecraft maybe woohoo
diary entry
im still so fucking shit at minecraft lmaoo. i cant fight or make pretty builds and im too scared of the mobs to go properly mining but im getting better and im having fun!!
finally tested the bister and im in love with it