still don't have a job. have only heard back from 2 of the 5 places i applied to. sigh. but im gonna try to send an email (this is stressing me out lol) to a queer organisation and see if i can volunteer there! or at the library would also be nice. if nothing turns up, ill just spend the summer doing chores for my grandparents, which would also be fun.
exams. help. probably failed my first one. and my second one. drawing jury went well though. in june i have one exam and a few juries. currently done with my drawings for illustration (still have to do the design and typography for the publication) until i have my extra feedback session, after which theyll probably give me a shit ton more to do lol.
been thinking about my aroace identity again and ugh. idk. i feel like purely aroace doesn't sit entirely right, but i don't know what else i am. i dont think ive felt romantic attraction before. i don't know if i'll ever feel it. i've never felt sexual attraction before, i'm pretty sure of that. i'm not repulsed to either of those (or at least not all of the time,, i think?), but again idk if i'll ever feel it.
discovering the term alterous attraction has given me lots to think about lol. always thinking "i wish i could have a relationship like in good omens" ah yes the show where an angel and a demon spend their entire existence together, don't yearn in a typical romcom sense, just want to spend time together, don't kiss (except for The Kiss which wasn't necessarily romantic), don't have sex, don't do typical romantic things, but do more or less live together and do everything together. that type of relationship? sure bud.
also saw an unrelated youtube short and i was like huh thats kinda. how i feel about romantic & sexual attraction. i dont feel the attraction, only the exitement. does that make sense? idk. i think i have a lot of internalised aphobia to untangle and some reading to do. might make a proper blog post about this. who knows.
that ramble aside, had a pretty good month. saw family, and while i wasnt able to study very well, i did work a lot on my illustration assignment which im pretty happy with now!